If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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