he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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