i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
