You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
