Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
