It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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