what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
We left the knife in your bed.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Randomize
