I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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