you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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