grandma shit on top of the toilet
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
