I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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