he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize