Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
