Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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