haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
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