Where did you get a picture of my penis
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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