I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Randomize
