We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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