no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
