lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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