Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
