Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I hate all girls vehemently.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
