Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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