He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
