apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize