Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
