we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
