im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
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