Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
