Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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