Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
