Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
