Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
