covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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