yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
