Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize