I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
