Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
