dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
The uberlube is also flammable
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
