Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
