WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
