I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
