i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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