I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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