peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
