I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I just blew my weed a kiss
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
