i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
