My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
