How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
