do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
