her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
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