cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
