Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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