Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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