My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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