i just made my gag reflex go away.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Randomize
