I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
