When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
