I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
