I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
