moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
