i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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