good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
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