Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
