Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
