Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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