I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
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