I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
