So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
