we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
