i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
now i know why i became what i already was.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I'm too high and old for this...
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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