u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
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