Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
zippers are such a cool invention
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
