yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
