I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
please don't ironically join a cult
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