Me. At least after what I've been through.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Even my vagina gasped.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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