You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
