its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
