Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
