i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Pants 0. Shit 1.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize