Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
