She said her name was "party"
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
