Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
